ECW Results: 7/31/07

The night kicks off with John Morrison coming down. He hypes himself up on the stick, then reminds us of his "Fifteen Minutes of Fame" challenge. If someone can last 15 minutes against him, or beat him, they get a title shot. Being in Phoenix, he bashes some Arizona sports teams. Eventually, a jobber comes down, and we start the "match".

John Morrison vs. Hometown jobber
Bell rings just after Morrison knees the jobber in the gut. He hits the Corkscrew Neckbreaker and pins for the 3 count. Apparently, that took 21 seconds.
John Morrison def. Hometown jobber
Morrison issues an open challenge, and it gets answered by Tommy Dreamer. Dreamer has a mic of his own, and starts pumping why he deserves the title. Before things escalate further, Elijah Burke comes out. He calls Dreamer "prehistoric", and while making his way to the ring, bashes Tommy's age. Burke hypes himself as deserving, and then CM Punk comes on down. Punk gets in the ring, and goes right for Morrison verbally. He wants to take the "Fifteen minutes" challenge, saying that he'll never challenge Morrison again if he loses.

Morrison states that he just wrestled a grueling match, and won't compete again. But he offers the three men to have a Triple Threat match, and the winner takes the "Fifteen Minutes" challenge. If they can beat him or last, they get a future shot at the ECW Championship. Of course, everyone stares each other down as we cut to commercial.

Stevie Richards vs. Kevin Thorn
Stevie got a pinfall victory over Thorn last week, which he definitely needed for overness. I can only hope that will happen again, but I doubt it. The bell rings, and Stevie doesn't hesitate to trash talk. Thorn rushes him, plowing him into the corner before locking him in the ropes, and throwing on a few reverse chinlocks. Stevie gets out of the ropes and nails the kicks to the legs, but Thorn throws Stevie down hard. He lifts him up in a powerbomb position, and hits that odd backbreaker. He knees Richards in the spine a few times before locking in another chinlock. Stevie looks about to tap, and Thorn lets him go. He picks Richards up into a Torture Rack, before dropping him in Abyss' Shock Treatment. Cover for...2!

Thorn puts Richards across the top turnbuckle and punts him in the spine. He charges in for a spear, and Richards dodges! Thorn hits the turnbuckle post, and Stevie rolls Thorn up! 1!2!3!
Stevie Richards def. Kevin Thorn
After the match, Thorn looks like he's going to murder the entire WWE writing staff.

Next we see a montage for Big Fatty V. They tell us we'll see him in action next, not that we want to see that.

Handicap Match: Big Daddy V w/ Matt Striker vs. Jobbers
Why can't they give him a real opponent? Like Boogeyman? Fatty throws the Jobbers around and gives one a spinebuster to kill him. He throws all three into the corner and crushes them. He slams them all on top of each other and pins them.
I'm sure you can tell who won this...
Post match...the Boogeyman comes out! Smoke, lights, everything! Boogeyman is foaming at the mouth now, and Striker actually retreats with Fatty. Commercial time.

Now that the commercials are over, we're subjected to the Extreme Bimbos. At least we get to hear some 80's Michael Jackson. Oh no, now that the music ends, they start talking. They introduce the Miz for a match.

The Miz vs. Balls Mahoney
Please WWE, don't job Balls to Miz. We start with a lock-up, and some hammerlocks. Miz rushes the ropes and swings Balls onto the apron, but Balls fights back in. Miz pushes him into the ropes and pummels Balls before throwing him down and covering for 2. Balls fights up afterward, and nails Miz with a hard shot to the jaw. Balls hits the Nutcracker and pins, but Miz gets a foot on the ropes. Both men get up, and Miz knees Balls in the face out of nowhere, hits a neckbreaker, and gets the 3 count. Guh...
Miz w/ Bimbos def. Balls Mahoney

Well, that balances out Stevie's win. I know Punk will win tonight, and that's better than Elijah, but not as good as Dreamer. I guess ECW evens itself out tonight.

Now, Burke is backstage yapping. He flaps his gums about beating Punk and Dreamer. That's about all. Commercial time. I've got to play-by-play the commercials sometime...but not tonight.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Elijah Burke vs. CM Punk
It looks like they're giving this match decent time, so the pace shouldn't be too hard to keep up with. But to get on with it, the bell rings and my cable starts to fail. I start getting nervous, and they cut to commercial.

Back to see Dreamer kick Punk out of the ring, and hip toss Burke. He lifts Burke up in a snap suplex, and Punk sentons onto Burke. Dreamer pins Burke for 2, then Burke rolls him out of the ring. Burke dives right on Punk with a reverse chinlock, but as always, the fighting up occurs. Punk drops Burke with a backdrop, and covers for 2. He lifts Burke and kicks him in the chest a few times. He whips Burke into the corner and charges, but Burke throws Punk over the top! Punk hits his arm on the way down and looks hurt. Dreamer and Burke brawl on the inside briefly, and the crowd starts chanting for tables.

Burke gets the upper hand, and hits Dreamer with his Vaderbomb-like move. Pin for 2, and Punk pulls Burke out of the ring. He throws Burke into the steel ring steps, then sunset flips Dreamer for 2. Punk simply shoves Dreamer out of the ring, then dives through the second and third rope to take out both opponents. Punk throws Burke in, and covers for 2. When they both stand, Burke rolls Punk up with a small package for 2. Punk angrily kicks Burke in the face, and Dreamer comes from behind to backdrop him. Dreamer pins for 1. He gets Punk up, and hits the Dreamer DDT! Dreamer pins, and Elijah breaks it up. Burke's bleeding from the mouth, but no one cares. He pounds on both Punk and Dreamer, and Punk goes completely limp. Dreamer gets him from behind, and locks him in a Texas Cloverleaf. Burke grabs the ropes, but Dreamer pulls him away. Punk slowly gets up, and punts Dreamer in the back of the head. He pins Burke for 2, then hits a weird Pedigree-backbreaker. Pin for 2 more.

Burke is almost in tears, but Punk kicks him a few more times anyway. He lifts Burke up onto the top rope, then follows him up. Before he can take advantage, Burke knocks Punk down, and Dreamer jumps up there! Dreamer goes for a Superplex, but Punk gets Dreamer in a powerbomb position! Both men crash down, and Punk pins Dreamer...for 2! Punk knees Burke in the face, but instead of the bulldog, he headbutts Dreamer. Elijah stumbles about, and Punk hits the Go To Sleep for 3. Good match, but predictable ending. Sorry Dreamer...
CM Punk def. Elijah Burke & Tommy Dreamer
Afterward, Dreamer raises Punks hand and congratulates him. Not a bad way to end the show.